Yesterday I wrote my incredibly long post about James. I've done a great job ignoring him, however I broke down and looked at his twitter, assuming there wouldn't be anything new because he never gets on. I was wrong. Another retweet, from that same girl, in which she referred to him as her boyfriend.
Immediately after seeing it I promised myself I was gonna listen to Forget You (the Glee version) for the rest of the night and get pissed about it over text with my best friend. Of course, though, I subsequently put on Let Me Down Easy by Sheppard and burst into tears and that remains my current state. I'm such a fucking idiot. To James Who Will Never See This, I'm sorry I could never give you what you want. I was never gonna be that girl who could impress you with her skills in sports, or perfect grades on math tests. I was never going to be easy, I wasn't going to change myself or how I dress or what I do because I wanted you to like me. I honestly wanted to show you the real me, the girl behind the curtain. I might not have been the girl who always looked great in candid photos, or who everyone commended you on being with. But I was willing to give you the real me, to trust you with the person I've spent all my life feeling insecure about. It's not much, but I wanted to share it with you. I should've remember that you wouldn't want it. ~Margo "Yes, I understand why things had to happen this way. I understand his reason for causing me pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. It does not call upon the sun when dark clouds have loomed over me. Let the rain come then if it must come! And let it wash away the dust that hurt my eyes!” - Jocelyn Soriano
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December 2019
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