So. Here I am again. I should really stop beginning sentences with so, it’s not grammatically correct and my English teacher would probably slap me. Whoops.
Time to talk about something that’s become very important to me over the last month or so. It’s influenced me in so many ways, encouraging me to work out and stay healthy, to keep doing what I love, to learn new languages and travel the world, to keep singing and dancing simply because doing so brings me joy, and to be an overall better and more well-adjusted person. I bet you’re wondering, wow Margo, what is this incredible thing that’s basically changed your life for the better and made your day-to-day living more enjoyable and full of passion? Well, my friend, the answer is simple. Kpop. Korean pop music. Yep. Specifically the kpop group known as EXO. Now, EXO is a group composed of both Korean and Mandarin members, part of the subgroups called EXO-K and EXO-M. Their fans are called EXO-L's, as in, EXO-Lovers. That's me :D Ever since I discovered the world of Kpop, all I've been listening to is EXO, BTS, SISTAR, 4minute, all of it. I've yet to get really into SHINee, but I am a fan of one of their members, Taemin, who's best friends with my bias from EXO. Kpop vocab of the day: Bias- your favorite member of a kpop group. My EXO bias, also known as my lord and savior, my Korean husband, and my reason for waking up in the morning is *drum roll please* . . . KIM JONGIN! His stage name is Kai. Boy oh boy am I in love with my bby Jongin. I have over 1,160 photos of Jongin on my phone. Some people think it's obsession, and unhealthy for my personal wellness. I'd like to see how those people would deal with his complete and utter beauty and flawlessness in a way that DOESN'T sacrifice their soul. I could go on for days about Jongin, about how incredible his dancing is and how watching him move as if his heart beat is constantly in tune with the music, how every small movement is calculated and swift yet purposeful and graceful. . . and yes, I am fully aware that I am shoved so far up Kai's ass that he could simply walk down a street and I would be applauding and requesting an encore. But, that's not the point. If I'm being entirely honest, I don't really know what the point is, other than the fact that Jongin is both my spirit animal and my soul mate. Now, I have known that Jongin was my bias since the first video of theirs that I watched, a music video for their song "Call Me Baby," after which I spent hours yelling "PLAID PANTS, THE GODDAMN PLAID PANTS,". Anyway, I just wanted to share my intense love for kpop and EXO. ~Margo xoxo ((THERE'S AN EXO SONG CALLED XOXO AND NOW I AM CACKLING))
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Well, here we are. It's officially 2016, and 2015 is over. Complete. Done with.
While most people my age are out partying, I'm home, and happy about it. I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here, unless it was with my best friends. For me, New Years is about reflecting, rather than partying. So there! My first resolution for 2016. To reflect more, and to take time out to really think, instead of letting things just flash by in a rush. I want to savor this year. I have a great feeling about it. Well, I think I'll start with the more sad parts of this year, so then I can end this year on a positive note. I haven't lost a lot of people this year, but the ones I've lost were important. Devastatingly important. I lost my best friend of 8 years, who no longer speaks to me. I still have questions about why it ended so abruptly, and what really happened, because there must have been more than I was aware of. I stand behind my actions, which is strange for me. Usually I back down from my gut and assume I caused the problems. But, not with this one. So, maybe in some ways, it was good for me. Everything I did came from a place of love, and my want for her to be the incredible person I always knew she could be. But, a pothead boyfriend and backstabbing friend here and there can lead to complications. I know that I did mess up at times. I should have been less accusatory when I intended to be concerned, and I should have given her a bit more benefit of the doubt. But, here we are, months later, with our only words exchanged being in a birthday card she wrote to me, in which she told me that I can still come to her, always. Personally, I immediately knew that was a load of bullshit. I don't trust easily, but I trusted her. A lot. So damn much. I still find myself wishing so badly that I could just text her. I've already said sorry multiple times, I've tried to bury whatever hatchet created itself between us. Sometimes I can't think of anyone that I want to talk to about my problems, except her. It still hurts. I think it will always hurt a little. Look at me, I'm tearing up just writing this. But, let's look at the bright side. She looks happy. At least, from what I see of her on social media (although I still don't watch her Snapchat story... I can't quite let go of my pride in that regard). She and her pothead boyfriend broke up, which is good for her sake. I learned a lesson about being glad for what I have because it could be gone any day. I've also become more independent, and although it's been an intense struggle, I'm learning how to console myself, how to take care of my problems without needing someone to walk me through it. I think I've always had some codependency issues, and I think this has helped me work through them. Well, it's nearly 2 am on New Years Day and frankly, I'm tired. Goodnight. ~Margo xx |
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December 2019
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