Hey there.
I was looking in the archives of this blog to find some of my poetry and I realized that it's been over a year since I started posting here. Wow. In some ways it feels like only a few months, and in some ways I can barely remember even making it. I've noticed that this site has had visitors- I'm not quite sure what that's about? I have no idea if it's some automated viewing thing and no people are actually seeing it, or if people have typed in the wrong url and gotten this. But, if there's anyone actually reading this... hey homie. What's up? How have you been? Why do you care even remotely about my lame ass life? Today was weird. As. Hell. I went to a surprise birthday party for a friend of mine and guuueeeees who was there. Yup. both my recent ex-friend whom I posted about a little while ago, and my ex-best friend from years ago whom completely wrecked all of my self-confidence and it one of the main reasons I have extreme trust issues. It was so strange, and they were being super pleasant towards me... idk man. There were people around, so I figured I could just ignore them, but for like twenty minutes it was just the three of us sitting on a trampoline and talking about random stuff. Reminiscing, even. I really don't know how to feel about it. I can't find any describable emotions, except a little sadness over how much time I spent getting to know them and making memories and learning to trust them, just for it to come to this. Occasional texts with one, and always looking away when my eyes meet with the other. So weird. I got into a bit of a fight with my boyfriend earlier tonight. Well, it wasn't really a fight, more of a frustrated conversation, I suppose? I got home from the party at like 9:30ish, and had settled in for the night to do some homework, read some fic, and go to bed so I could get some sleep and hang out with bae tomorrow. You see, he had his final performance in the school play tonight (which is why he couldn't also be at the party) and had the cast party afterwards. He wanted me to come, because I'm best pals with like half the cast, but I told him I was already home from the previous party. Then, he asked if I would be okay with him and our friends picking me up at 1:00am. So, of course, I was like, "Hell no." Like, seriously, I would never ever fucking sneak out of my house in the wee hours of the morning. Not even because I would get in trouble, but because I'm horrified that my parents would notice that I'm gone and freak the hell out and be super worried about me. I relayed this to my boyfriend, however he than said that I'm never up for adventures anymore. You see, his parents don't give a crap what he's out doing late at night, whereas mine don't/can't go to sleep until I'm home safe. I told him that, and he's just frustrated cause I keep turning down his insane showing-up-at-my-house-after-midnight plans, not because I don't want to see him, because I DO, but because it would be hella selfish of me to do that kind of thing. I just. Ugh. I think we got it kind of worked out, but I'm not sure. Now I'm starting to wonder if I actually will go over to his house tomorrow. . . I don't know if he'll want me to. ~Margo "Life keeps getting in the way. Whenever we try, somehow the plan is always rearranged. It's so hard to say, but I've gotta do what's best for me." -High School Musical 2
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December 2019
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