I have this problem.
I am becoming increasingly worried about myself because I frequently think, "Why should I go outside and live my life when I so deeply enjoy laying in my bed and obsessing over korean boyband groups while imagining that the fics I'm reading are real and where I belong. What the hell. Okay, now, I've deal with this sort of thing before, particularly when I first entered the One Direction fandom. Yes, I do admit I am incredibly embarrassed by the fact of how hardcore of a fan I was (Yes, I wrote fanfiction, and yes, I would rather be violently murdered than let anyone see it), but, I do not regret it. Being a part of the One Direction fandom opened me up to the wonders of the internet, and through it I met some of my best friends. It also opened me up to writing, which is currently what I aim to spend the rest of my life doing. I slowly fell out of the One Direction fandom as I grew less and less fond of their music, although I certainly still cared about they were doing as human beings, because they had given me so much joy and I was in it for the long haul whether I liked it or not. But, I stopped spending all of my free time reading fics about them either falling in love with each other or with an OC (who I always imagined myself being, of course), and I no longer had concerning heart palpitations every time I saw a gifset of Louis smiling on my tumblr dashboard. Although I missed being so excited and passionate about something, it was honestly relieving to not constantly feel like my life without fiction wasn't a waste of time, because why actually live life when I could just imagine living it. Now, fast forward to mid-sophomore year of high school. I am aware of the existence of kpop, but not particularly interested in listening to it or being anywhere near it. However, one fateful day I clicked on the Call Me Baby music video by EXO after frequently seeing it in the suggestions on YouTube, and my life was changed forever. I am now surprised when I turn the radio on and hear music that I understand. Now, I don't exclusively listen to kpop, as I am still hardcore trash for Panic! At The Disco, Fall Out Boy, Twenty-One Pilots, New Politics, Hoodie Allen, etc., but sometimes I go days without listening to songs that are in my native language. Now it's not just EXO, it's also Got7, BTS, BigBang, Twice, and many more. I have over 1,400 photos of Kim Jongin saved in a folder on my phone. I watched all three seasons of Real GOT7 in two days. I have a friend who yells "BAMBAM" at me in Spanish class just to see me drop everything because I heard the name of my bae, AND HE'S NOT EVEN MY BIAS. Don't even get me starting on fucking Wang Jackson I sWEAR. Recently I was asked during truth or dare if I had had more sexual thoughts about EXO or my boyfriend. I said EXO. My boyfriend was in the room. My love of kpop has gone so far to bother my boyfriend because he's concerned that I like them more than him. DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH OF A PROBLEM THIS IS. I would venture to say it's not entirely unhealthy, though. Kpop has exposed me to learning about a new culture and seeing how incredible it is that people who don't even speak the same language can come together over thousands of miles to support a group of people we've never even met. I mean, that's pretty flipping incredible if you think about it. Well, I don't really have a conclusion about all of this, or a bullshit moral that I made up simply to tell myself that I don't have a problem. But, y'know, I very much enjoy spending every night reading fics about two korean boys falling in love and occasionally fucking. It makes my lil gay heart smile. #Kaisoo #Sekai #Markson #Jackbam ~Margo
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